Welcome to Ed's Totally Unnecessary Homepage

🎸 Music

I love heavy rock. Not the kind that gets played on the radio – the kind that scares people slightly. I’ve written and released my own album (yes, it’s on Spotify; no, it’s not elevator music). Jørn Lande is a vocal god. I listen to other stuff too, though.

📖 Books & Writing

I’ve written and self-published an autofiction book Dark Horse and am working on another cosy mystery. I also write short stories and songs and one day may accidentally become a literary genius. Stay tuned.

📊 Data & Geekery

By day, I do my best to make data behave itself as a Business & Data Analyst for a housing association. SQL, Power BI, DAX... exciting stuff! I’m a Fellow of the RSA and Royal Statistical Society, which means I get to use fancy post-nominals and argue about Excel formatting. And astonishingly somebody even saw fit to give me a BSc.

⚽ Football & Other Escapes

I play walking football (no running, but plenty of shouting). I’ve recently taken up croquet and have only hit myself in the ankle twice. I support Bideford AFC because I enjoy pain and disappointment.

🎭 Arts & Interests

I like theatre, Shakespeare, cosy mysteries, Mondrian and Doré paintings, and octopuses (they’re fascinating and slightly unsettling – like modern art with suckers). I play the electronic saxophone, which is as cool as it sounds, provided you don't hear me actually playing it.

🧠 Other Oddments

I enjoy board games, model railways, classic cars (Austin Allegro, any Triumph (with the possible exception of the Acclaim)), and RPGs. I once saw a ghost. Indisputably. Also: it's "zed", not "zee". That’s the hill I’ll die on.

🎶 Bands I Like

• Arjen Anthony Lucassen (I know he's not a band but he's so talented he might as well be)
• Status Quo (Rossi, Parfitt, Lancaster, Coghlan of course)
• Dio
• Wishbone Ash (Martin Turner > Andy Powell)
• Saltatio Mortis (Tôt und leben tanzent sam)
• Kate Bush (timeless, magical, and a bit spooky – in a good way)
• Heartworms (dark, moody, and very now)
• Thompson Twins (eh?)
• The Eurythmics

📺 TV Series I Have Loved

• Sherlock – mostly brilliant, occasionally baffling, very British.
• Strike – brooding detective, awkward romance, lots of London rain
• Bosch – gritty LA crime with jazz and justice
• Detectorists – charming, gentle, and quietly genius
• Inside No. 9 – twisted, clever, and sometimes downright unsettling
• Yes Minister / Yes, Prime Minister – politics, pedantry, and perfection
• Taskmaster – beautiful chaos with spreadsheets nowhere in sight
• Grange Hill – iconic school drama. Just say no
• Coronation Street – when it was good
• A Bit of Fry and Laurie – wordplay, whimsy, and wonderful weirdness
• Our Friends In The North – the best thing ever made by anyone ever Fact
• Murdoch Mysteries - More inventions than Edison, more corpses than Toronto deserves
• Starsky and Hutch – 70s cool with stripy cars, cardigans and proper theme music
• Father Ted – silly, surreal, and just a bit sacrilegious
• Have I Got News For You – satire, sarcasm, and sometimes a surprise guest who gets it all wrong
• Not Only...But Also – Pete and Dud at their finest. Dagenham Dialogues forever.

🎬 Films I Keep Rewatching (Despite What the Critics Say)

• The Blues Brothers – they’re on a mission from God. Enough said.
• LA Confidential – noir done properly. Sharp suits, sharp script.
• The Station Agent – quiet, odd, moving, and lovely
• Withnail & I – quotable, tragic, and hilarious. A masterpiece of British misery.
• The Crow – Gothic revenge tale, forever shadowed by the tragedy behind it
• Dan In Real Life - Steve Carell can break your heart as well as make you laugh
• Easy Rider – bikes, freedom, and 60s angst in the sunshine
• Bram Stoker's Dracula – yes, even with Keanu. Lavish and luscious Gothic melodrama.
• Terminator series – come with me if you want decent sci-fi action
• Most Arnie films – cheesy one-liners and unapologetic carnage. Love it.
• Striptease – yes, really. Demi Moore. That’s the explanation.
• Bedazzled – the one where Liz Hurley is the devil. Enough said.

📚 Books I've Read and Remembered

• The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy – towel-friendly space comedy with added existential dread, 42 forever
• Duggie The Digger and His Friends - my first literary love
• The Hobbit - and yes, I skipped the songs
• Age of Misrule series by Mark Chadbourn
• Anything by Stephen Fry
• Cosy mysteries with titles like Death at the Vicarage – you know the type

📚 Books I've Read and Forgotten

I get through about 40-50 books a year (one every week or two), so probably thousands of them by now.

📚 Book Series I've Loved

• Jennings – classic schoolboy chaos. Nothing too serious, just capers and cricket.
• The Three Investigators – better than the Hardy Boys, so there.
• Xanth – puns, dragons, and a bit of fantasy weirdness. Yes, I stuck with it far too long.
• Sherlock Holmes – but only the proper Conan Doyle stuff. No pastiches, thank you.
• Sue Grafton's alphabet series – A is for Addictive. Kinsey Millhone is a legend.
• Harry Bosch – dark, brooding, and brilliant. And the TV series is surprisingly decent too.
• Strike – crime fiction with a side order of personal chaos. Enjoyable, twisty, occasionally sweary. Go JK.

📅 Good Years

• 1967 – got born
• 1984 – music, the end of innocence, and a decent haircut (briefly)
• 1990 – the soundtrack was excellent and the world still made some sense
• 1998 – got married
• 2007 – Robbie born
• 2025 – left the job that broke me, got a great new job

📅 Bad Years

• 1991 – don’t ask
• 2019 – VAR, the year top level football lost its soul to a machine
• 2024 – rough year mentally, but I made it through
• 2025 – bad decisions, bad moves, but above all dad passed away
• Any year where VAR ruins a football match

💬 Things I Say A Lot

• "It's 'zed', not 'zee'."
• "Can you do it in Power BI?" (answer: probably... eventually)
• "Octopuses are amazing."
• "I just need to tweak this formula... no, wait... oops..."
• "The Premier League ruined football."
• "Tea. Earl Grey, slice of lemon, no milk (obviously)."
• "British spellings please."

Also me: "Yes, I can hear the saxophone. No, I’m not playing well. Yes, that is the point."

Opinions You May Not Like

• Pro-Palestine, because justice shouldn’t be controversial
• Pro-Linehan and pro-Rowling, because free speech matters even when it stings and women's rights matter
• Pro-AI, because the Luddites were wrong the first time too
• Anti-Trump, because the world doesn’t need another clown with nuclear codes
• Anti-Farage, because stoking division is not leadership
• Anti-Starmer, because neither is being beige a political vision

Rules To Live By

• Trust no-one
• Music first, football second, everything else later
• No alcohol - not in the glass, not in the food
• British spellings always
• Hold fast to this: sport ends when machines rule